Wellness & Writing

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How relationships impact on us

Dr Vanessa Dias deals with a prolific but rarely properly handled subject. When we are “released’ into the world, we are not fully aware of how others can affect us for the long term. All relationships impact on us at a cellular level and I believe her suggestion to get to the root of the pain is sound advice. Do not run away from your pain. You need to heal. First accept it, acknowledge the pain and then search remedies in a holistic approach. You can try a combination of yoga, crystal healing, meditation, you time and positive self-affirmations.

“In this blog post I’m sharing with you what I believe to be the most effective way to heal from past relationships.

Lately I have worked with clients who have been dealing with rejection or have decided to heal from a past relationship for good. That gave me the opportunity to reflect upon my own personal experiences and to make a quick search to see what experts usually recommend.

Based on the research I did, I realised that most suggestions invite people to focus on the ‘outside’ rather than the ‘inside’ where the problem is rooted. I came across suggestions such as:

“do exercise”
“go out with friends”, or
“go to the movies”

Despite well-intentioned and positive, these activities are mere bandaids, because they move people’s attention to what is outside of them and therefore they only work as temporary distractions from what’s boiling inside. This might be useful as a starting point, to create some space and distance, but it’s not a strategy to keep in the long-term if you want to heal.

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Steps to healing

In order to heal, the most effective strategy is to sit down with yourself and face the truth. The truth is that you are hurt and that you feel pain, because what you once knew as reality has drastically changed. The good news is that pain always brings some lesson with it. However, to learn that lesson we really need to sit down and listen to it. We need to get in touch with that space inside of us that aches. The we need to ask ourselves what is the meaning of the pain we are going through.

Now I know this is really hard to do, because no one likes to be in pain. That’s why so many of us have some sort of addiction. The role of any addiction is to set us free, even though temporarily, from pain and the need for thoughtful reflection. The only way to heal from the pain and other negative emotions though is to feel them inch by inch. The more you indulge in distractions, the more you postpone the moment in which you will have to face the truth. The downside of that is that… the more you postpone, the more you will suffer later.”

Where you are now

An essential ingredient in every writer’s life:  surrounding yourself with the right people. And who are the “right” people? Well it might help by starting to look at the “wrong” people!
Do you have anybody in your life (partner, friends, work colleagues) who drain you,? Do they use your energy, knock you down, aren’t supportive of what you do, etc? Likewise toxic relationships will hamper and hinder your progress. You need to distance yourself from these relationships or, if possible, try to mend and better these relationships.

The “right” people are de facto supportive, positive and motivating. Where can you find these? If not in your immediate circle of family and friends, there are hundreds of online communities within FB and elsewhere not to mention local book clubs or writing circles. Start networking. You will not just find support and kinship but also technical assistance in the form of editors, agents and illustrators. Stretch out of your current personal zone, expand your borders. Invite new, fresh and positive influences and people into your life whilst creating distance and protecting yourself form those who do not help you.

Get in touch with me if you need to talk this over, would like to find focus or just need a friendly listener.

With your FREE Self-care kit, you can learn how to cut ties and cords to past relationships and discover past life healing techniques.

Daily Self-Care Rituals are proven to make you more successful

Otherwise leave your comments below, I’d love to hear what you have to say.

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