The selfless act of being selfish

Why focusing on yourself is not being selfish

This may sound like a contradiction in terms, but in actual fact nothing could be further from the truth.
Looking after yourself is one of the best gifts you can  those you love.

Don’t reach for the panic button…

the stressed out writer
When you are frazzled don’t reach for the panic button and start to drink, smoke or binge-watch Netfilx.

Reach for the pause button.

Most of us do not love ourselves enough to give ourselves treats. When we go shopping we are happy to spend money on our partner, children or friends but feel rather guilty when it comes to buying something for ourselves.
It is this feeling of “guilt” that you need to re-address and that is where this blog for self-care and self-healing comes into play.
how to relax

7  Essential self-care tips

Practicing self care is not selfish. Focusing on your own needs ensures you feel emotionally, physically and mentally strong enough to work towards your goals.
Ways to pause and help yourself without breaking the bank or taking up your precious time (listed in order of simplicity):

1.  Lie or sit down for 10 minutes with relaxing music.

Just type in “meditation” on your browser or “relaxing music”, 10 minutes and the music does the rest. It doesn’t matter what you think about. Just try and let your thoughts drift.

Peaceful thoughts

importance of taking time out

2. Stop before you get up.

Stay in bed for 5 to 10 minutes before you get up. Think of 3 things you are grateful for. Like your health, the health of your children. The fact that you have a home. Your beautiful garden. Your loving friends or parents. The fact that your favourite music band exists or that chocolate exists! Anything. Have 3 positive thoughts. It could even be something you are looking forward to.

3. Use essential oils.

Place a couple of drops of marjoram and lemongrass in your diffuser. Sit or lie quietly for 10 minutes – with or without music.

4. Add a mindful dimension

During your 5-10 minutes in bed before you get up, by holding a crystal to ground you as you think (e.g. black tourmaline, obsidian or tiger’s eye) or by placing rose quartz on your heart to help soothe your anxieties. There are many options here – I will ad another post for these. Even add some relaxing music and you will bounce instead of slump out of bed.

5. Create a crystal healing grid.

A simple one is the chakra balancing – which you can easily get sets for – or simply use amethysts or smoky quartz for general healing. Again, lie down for just 5 to 10 minutes (with music and incense or oils if you like).

6. Place yourself in a protective bubble from time to time.

If everything around you is escalating to near-frenzied chaos and people’s anger is rising, take a step back and imagine yourself in a safe bubble. Visualise this bubble, perhaps even draw the Reiki symbol for earthly ki in your mind’s eye or just focus on your breath for a few moments. Cold as you inhale, warm as you exhale. Now approach the situation refreshed and protected.

7. Exercise.

the benefits of exercise
There are so many bonuses and benefits to movement. You regenerate your cells, you create endorphins “happy hormones”, you can expel negative energy, the list is endless. Try just 20 minutes a day. Walk. Jog. Cycle. Yoga. It’s all free! Or join a club. The rewards will outweigh the financial costs. A little bit of exercise goes a long way
Treat yourself, look after yourself to be the best parent, boss, friend or whatever it is you do. You will have more patience, more clarity and create unanimity in your household as opposed to dis-accord and imbalance if you are stressed and tired.
Take the time to be positive, soak in that tub with bubbles, revel in your 10-minute “me time” sessions.

When you help yourself you are in a  better position to help others.

the importance of being selfish
In one of my books (How to Look Young, be more grateful, grounded and gorgeous), I refer to the anecdotal story of mothers travelling with children on airplanes to explain just how important it is to look after yourself first. If there is an emergency on an airplane, the immaculate and Hollywood smiles air crew advise us not to panic in the face of death and to calmly to put on our oxygen mask before putting the mask over our child’s face. “What!?!” I hear mothers scream. “Save me first whilst my child dies!?!” “Never!” But this is the way it has to be and should be. It is not a selfish act. Although it is very hard to put yourself first, it is as essential as it is simple:

Self-care tip in a life-death situation:

If you are not fit or well enough to look after your child, then how can they be helped? Back to the airplane scenario: If you run out of oxygen and don’t manage to get their mask on…. let’s not go down there….

In everyday terms, if you are not well, relaxed, calm and focused, how can you be expected to give your best to your children, spouse, work and friends (not necessarily in that order!).

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